Bitter Sweet

Warning:  Being personal and putting everything on my blog is hard for me.  I suffer from a issue I call “British Reserve” it means we like to keep our emotions to ourselves & definitely do not know how to articulate them properly.  So I will probably be a ramble & write to much, thank you in advance if you can make it to the end.

Over the last year I have talked about my struggle with never having enough time for everyday life, my jewelry & my intention to live a life of purpose.  However, I have never really disclosed the whole work reality so here’s a little back story leading to a major change & new intentions.  

Seven years ago I was a little lost with life, college wasn’t for me, I was still working at the same job I started in High School.  I was a manager & feel some sort of accomplishment with being so young but I was also miserable.  The retails hours were awful, the PTO was ok, except all I wanted to do was go home to England & five days off wasn’t enough. Eventually I decided I was going to leave the company & go home to see friends in England for a little while.  As I planned my trip & looked for something else I picked up a part time job at another retail store for fun & extra money.  The intention was never to stay with the job long.

So I went to England & Italy, came back and randomly decided to quit my full time job without a new full time job in place.   I really enjoyed that summer & who wouldn’t? It felt amazing to only work part time & enjoy life; I took some jewelry classes; which evoked my passion for the arts, creativity & fashion again.  I had let go of my artistic dreams for to long & honestly feel like that’s why I was a little lost at the time.  I couldn’t get enough of my new hobby but unfortunately, the summer had to end & I found a 9-5 job in Corporate America.  It wasn’t creative, exciting or anything I was passionate about.  Yet it seemed to be the perfect schedule, I would have my weekends to myself, real PTO (5 weeks to be exact).  However, I decided to stay at the part time job for a little longer for extra money to buy a car.  The plan was six months.

Fast forward 6 ½ years later, I am still working both jobs & nothing major has changed in my life, not what I planned but that was my reality.   Some weeks over holidays I have worked 70 hrs plus worked on Stella Jewelry, tried to keep up with family & friends & sometimes taking classes.  I was trying to it ALL but wasn’t doing any of it well.  That’s not the person I want to be, I want to exceed expectations & create a life I enjoy not just work it away.

Yet I love my part time job so much, I have had many ups & downs, gained valuable work experience, made life long friends & it was honestly more than a job at the mall.  It’s not something I can explain unless you worked with us but there a bond & a connection with the brand, that you feel part of something bigger than working retail.  I love the brand, the products & their values as a company.  Unfortunately, I want my life to move forward & there are no opportunities available for me at this time to move forward with them.  

So for the last year I have been trying to define my purpose, it’s so hard because I don’t know what I enjoy or love anymore because I have spent six years working & not living.  I started to get in a fog again so this week I re read some past posts by Jess on Make Under my Life to hopefully see things cleared & make a plan.  I know Stella Jewelry is my passion right now & I want to create a company I am proud of, professionally that is my ultimate purpose & by creating the a job I love, I can’t help but believe I will learn to love & enjoy my personal life.

Monday I looked at myself with an outside perspective, emotionally & financially, scary intimidating stuff but worth it.  Ultimately I wish I could leave the comfort of the corporate pay check.  However I am scared I need the paycheck to move my jewelry forward.  So I had to make the emotional decision to leave my part time job.  This may seem so trivial to most & maybe it is but to me it is sooo bitter sweet.  I have formed a second family there; it seems like the end of an era in my life & although I am excited for the future personally I am sad I won’t be part of the brand I love so much. 

I will now be able to decdicate the appriopate time to my creativity, to friends, family & finding new hobbies I love.  I can't wait to see where I go from here & will be back tomorrow with my intentions for creating a REAL business out of Stella Jewelry.

Hope you will all follow me on my journey to a life of purpose that I will love!!



Snail Mail

As outdated as snail mail is it's so lovely to receive a hand written letter or package, luckily I have some amazing people in my life who pop little treats in the post for me. I however am the worst at responding. I have the best intentions & ideas but with my jobs I never get around to it.

Recently, I found an old box full of letters from friends in England sent after I moved to America.  Reading those letters flooded my mind of memories & emotions. Then I discovered letters that had never been opened. They had been stored while in College & never seen until now!! Ridiculous I tell you ridiculous!  Only would this happen in my life!

Reading them was so bitter sweet. I was extremely thankful for the sweet notes from people I love & miss yet I am upset that I never read or responded to them.  For many reasons; work, money, greencards & visa processing, I have not been able to spend a lot of time in England over the years & it has broken down my friendships. I can’t help but think that if I had spent more time communicating through letters in the pre-facebook world that we would still be close friends today.

The letters made it more apparent to me that I have placed importance on the wrong things in life like work, which lets be honest that hasn't got me where I want to be in life.  My choices clearly have held be back.  As I continue to create a life of intention friendship has to be at the top of the list.  I need to spend more time reaching out even if it’s been years since I have seen someone & actively following through. I may have the best intentions to send a note/text/call/visit but how does that person know I care if I never follow through?  I know part of the distance is insecurity that the friendship will not be the same & that I am not happy with where I am in life, but the longer I wait the more awkward it becomes. 

ok moving on! I'll stop the "im feeling sorry for myself" part & onto something superficial, cause superficial is more fun.  Writing letters means I definitely need new stationary! Which one do you like best?

You all know I love some glitter so the Jess LC ones are perfect & I love the elegance & humor in the "holla back yo" lol

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 

#winning

Ok I am sorry for the Charlie Sheen reference as the blog title but I couldn't resist because today I am WINNING. Thanks to my friends, family and co-workers all voting for me I won the Jess LC Design Your Look contest.

I am so EXCITED! I get to pick out two pieces from her collections, I haven't decided what to pick yet but I love everything so I can't wait to wear them!

So again, I thank you for me making me a #winner and suggest you check out Jess LC for a fabulous Mothers day gift!  The Franklin Braille, I love you Necklace is perfect.

Braille letters on front with text in English on reverse side. Pendant comes on a plain gold-fill chain.

Thank You

Voting is almost over for the Design Your Look for Jess LC and hopefully I won some beautiful jewelry. 

I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who voted for me and apologize for the obnoxious facebook posts asking you to vote :)  I am really impressed at the number of you that clicked the link to choose me! I am very lucky to have great friends.

Ladies I think you should all take a look at Jess LC she has gorgeous pieces perfect for Spring so SHOP, its fashion friday afterall.