Warning: Being personal and putting everything on my blog is hard for me. I suffer from a issue I call “British Reserve” it means we like to keep our emotions to ourselves & definitely do not know how to articulate them properly. So I will probably be a ramble & write to much, thank you in advance if you can make it to the end.
Over the last year I have talked about my struggle with never having enough time for everyday life, my jewelry & my intention to live a life of purpose. However, I have never really disclosed the whole work reality so here’s a little back story leading to a major change & new intentions.
Seven years ago I was a little lost with life, college wasn’t for me, I was still working at the same job I started in High School. I was a manager & feel some sort of accomplishment with being so young but I was also miserable. The retails hours were awful, the PTO was ok, except all I wanted to do was go home to England & five days off wasn’t enough. Eventually I decided I was going to leave the company & go home to see friends in England for a little while. As I planned my trip & looked for something else I picked up a part time job at another retail store for fun & extra money. The intention was never to stay with the job long.
So I went to England & Italy, came back and randomly decided to quit my full time job without a new full time job in place. I really enjoyed that summer & who wouldn’t? It felt amazing to only work part time & enjoy life; I took some jewelry classes; which evoked my passion for the arts, creativity & fashion again. I had let go of my artistic dreams for to long & honestly feel like that’s why I was a little lost at the time. I couldn’t get enough of my new hobby but unfortunately, the summer had to end & I found a 9-5 job in Corporate America. It wasn’t creative, exciting or anything I was passionate about. Yet it seemed to be the perfect schedule, I would have my weekends to myself, real PTO (5 weeks to be exact). However, I decided to stay at the part time job for a little longer for extra money to buy a car. The plan was six months.
Fast forward 6 ½ years later, I am still working both jobs & nothing major has changed in my life, not what I planned but that was my reality. Some weeks over holidays I have worked 70 hrs plus worked on Stella Jewelry, tried to keep up with family & friends & sometimes taking classes. I was trying to it ALL but wasn’t doing any of it well. That’s not the person I want to be, I want to exceed expectations & create a life I enjoy not just work it away.
Yet I love my part time job so much, I have had many ups & downs, gained valuable work experience, made life long friends & it was honestly more than a job at the mall. It’s not something I can explain unless you worked with us but there a bond & a connection with the brand, that you feel part of something bigger than working retail. I love the brand, the products & their values as a company. Unfortunately, I want my life to move forward & there are no opportunities available for me at this time to move forward with them.
So for the last year I have been trying to define my purpose, it’s so hard because I don’t know what I enjoy or love anymore because I have spent six years working & not living. I started to get in a fog again so this week I re read some past posts by Jess on Make Under my Life to hopefully see things cleared & make a plan. I know Stella Jewelry is my passion right now & I want to create a company I am proud of, professionally that is my ultimate purpose & by creating the a job I love, I can’t help but believe I will learn to love & enjoy my personal life.
Monday I looked at myself with an outside perspective, emotionally & financially, scary intimidating stuff but worth it. Ultimately I wish I could leave the comfort of the corporate pay check. However I am scared I need the paycheck to move my jewelry forward. So I had to make the emotional decision to leave my part time job. This may seem so trivial to most & maybe it is but to me it is sooo bitter sweet. I have formed a second family there; it seems like the end of an era in my life & although I am excited for the future personally I am sad I won’t be part of the brand I love so much.
I will now be able to decdicate the appriopate time to my creativity, to friends, family & finding new hobbies I love. I can't wait to see where I go from here & will be back tomorrow with my intentions for creating a REAL business out of Stella Jewelry.
Hope you will all follow me on my journey to a life of purpose that I will love!!
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