Bitter Sweet

Warning:  Being personal and putting everything on my blog is hard for me.  I suffer from a issue I call “British Reserve” it means we like to keep our emotions to ourselves & definitely do not know how to articulate them properly.  So I will probably be a ramble & write to much, thank you in advance if you can make it to the end.

Over the last year I have talked about my struggle with never having enough time for everyday life, my jewelry & my intention to live a life of purpose.  However, I have never really disclosed the whole work reality so here’s a little back story leading to a major change & new intentions.  

Seven years ago I was a little lost with life, college wasn’t for me, I was still working at the same job I started in High School.  I was a manager & feel some sort of accomplishment with being so young but I was also miserable.  The retails hours were awful, the PTO was ok, except all I wanted to do was go home to England & five days off wasn’t enough. Eventually I decided I was going to leave the company & go home to see friends in England for a little while.  As I planned my trip & looked for something else I picked up a part time job at another retail store for fun & extra money.  The intention was never to stay with the job long.

So I went to England & Italy, came back and randomly decided to quit my full time job without a new full time job in place.   I really enjoyed that summer & who wouldn’t? It felt amazing to only work part time & enjoy life; I took some jewelry classes; which evoked my passion for the arts, creativity & fashion again.  I had let go of my artistic dreams for to long & honestly feel like that’s why I was a little lost at the time.  I couldn’t get enough of my new hobby but unfortunately, the summer had to end & I found a 9-5 job in Corporate America.  It wasn’t creative, exciting or anything I was passionate about.  Yet it seemed to be the perfect schedule, I would have my weekends to myself, real PTO (5 weeks to be exact).  However, I decided to stay at the part time job for a little longer for extra money to buy a car.  The plan was six months.

Fast forward 6 ½ years later, I am still working both jobs & nothing major has changed in my life, not what I planned but that was my reality.   Some weeks over holidays I have worked 70 hrs plus worked on Stella Jewelry, tried to keep up with family & friends & sometimes taking classes.  I was trying to it ALL but wasn’t doing any of it well.  That’s not the person I want to be, I want to exceed expectations & create a life I enjoy not just work it away.

Yet I love my part time job so much, I have had many ups & downs, gained valuable work experience, made life long friends & it was honestly more than a job at the mall.  It’s not something I can explain unless you worked with us but there a bond & a connection with the brand, that you feel part of something bigger than working retail.  I love the brand, the products & their values as a company.  Unfortunately, I want my life to move forward & there are no opportunities available for me at this time to move forward with them.  

So for the last year I have been trying to define my purpose, it’s so hard because I don’t know what I enjoy or love anymore because I have spent six years working & not living.  I started to get in a fog again so this week I re read some past posts by Jess on Make Under my Life to hopefully see things cleared & make a plan.  I know Stella Jewelry is my passion right now & I want to create a company I am proud of, professionally that is my ultimate purpose & by creating the a job I love, I can’t help but believe I will learn to love & enjoy my personal life.

Monday I looked at myself with an outside perspective, emotionally & financially, scary intimidating stuff but worth it.  Ultimately I wish I could leave the comfort of the corporate pay check.  However I am scared I need the paycheck to move my jewelry forward.  So I had to make the emotional decision to leave my part time job.  This may seem so trivial to most & maybe it is but to me it is sooo bitter sweet.  I have formed a second family there; it seems like the end of an era in my life & although I am excited for the future personally I am sad I won’t be part of the brand I love so much. 

I will now be able to decdicate the appriopate time to my creativity, to friends, family & finding new hobbies I love.  I can't wait to see where I go from here & will be back tomorrow with my intentions for creating a REAL business out of Stella Jewelry.

Hope you will all follow me on my journey to a life of purpose that I will love!!



Summer Plans

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend.  During my downtime I caught up on my favorite blogs, found lots of amazing new ones thanks to {longdistanceloving} & looking into summer metal smith classes. 

I have come quite far in terms of my jewelry yet I want to actually be able to create the elements & set stones myself.  I will never be Tiffany but would love to make simple pieces like these from Tangerine Jewelry.

1 / 2 / 3

I am obsessed with these colors & the clean lines.  They are the perfect Spring Pop of color, especially seen as I wear so much black.   I am also loving this LBD from ASOS. 

So far I have found classes in NYC & LA & Italy.  All fab places to learn.  So I am thinking about packing up for the summer.  Obviously I have two jobs, which I would have to leave.  My work in general is draining for me both physically, mentally & emotionally for various reasons & the last two weeks have been even worse.  My gut is telling me this is the time to do it whether you are ready or not.  If  I don't make the change now I am going to be in same situation next year only more discouraged & miserable.  Yet my logical side is saying you have bills, you need more in savings. 

Argh what to do, what to do??  

Have you ever taken a large leap because you gut told you to? Was it the right decision?

Working for the weekend

I have been working like crazy at my regulars jobs over the holidays & I have been super tired lately.  Last night I had every intention to start on de-cluttering my life, instead I watched NCIS & fell asleep.

Although I didn't get any of my to do list done, it felt so good to get some rest & wake up somewhat fresh & motivated.  Feeling refreshed also made me excited about taking this weekend off work.

Working on the weekend's makes me miss out on simple activities like brunch downtown or picking up fresh fruit at the farmers market.  So this weekend I plan to sleep in, shop some local stores & celebrate a friends birthday without rushing to get ready. 

 As my contribution to the dinner portion of the evening, I am considering making a Brie & Apple appetizer.  I can't wait to try it.

Only 3 1/2 workdays to go!

What are you looking forward to this weekend?

A little Bubbly?

image / via: Aspiring Kennedy

I mean how perfect is this cooler?  My work days would be a little easier with this in the office!!

Creating my Life Week 2

This week I feel like I didn't have a lot of motivation to just get things done to create my small business but never the less I did get some work done and made time for myself.

Saturday ~ I had an amazing sushi lunch at Metro, it was great to be off work early enough on a weekend to be able to go downtown during the day.  I also picked up some great beads and spent the afternoon working on new pieces with Tricia.

Sunday ~ I pretty much did nothing all day.  I did visit Salem Antiques and Collectables, my Mum's store is opening a booth there.  The building is great and is building up a nice selection of furniture.  Check out www.salemantiquesandcollectables.com if you are into Antique hunting.

Monday ~  I did laundry ~ exciting stuff!!

Tuesday ~ Went shopping for more supplies and got quite a bit of the new collections made.  We seem to be on a nice roll of getting out Spring Collection together, but I also feel like its not fast enough.  We need a lot of new pieces for the store and then need items specifically for the photo shoot and online sales. I am impatient and want everything to be done today which is not realistic.

I know I shouldn't try to rush things but I have a clear view of what needs to be done just not how to get there.  I want to jump from the beginning to the end right away but I know that won't make my business work.  I need to learn some patience.

Wednesday ~ I felt like I was getting sick so I rested most of the day.

Today ~  I got some stock pictures taken of the new pieces and added them to our etsy store.  The names and descriptions need some work but I am excited to have some items posted.

Visit www.etsy.com/people/StellaJewelryStore to see our pieces!!

*Update on No Fast Food February 3 days in and I haven't been near a McDonald's lol

Quotes !!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

I find the above quote so inspiring and as much as I want to to "throw off the bowlines" of my life I can't seem to let me self do it.  There is so much more I want to do with my life but work in the corporate world and go to a part time "fun" job.  How do you find the courage to do it?  When my gut tells me to just do it, my mind says what about bills, what about your family, what would other people think?? 

Recently,  I have been thinking a lot about changing my work life and because of the real world responsibilities I am not comfortable just doing it but if I don't do it will my life change for the better?  I don't see it changing anytime soon if I don't do something about it. 

My gut seems to be right a lot about lots of different situations, but yet I continue to follow my brain and always have regret.  I think I need to be more like Gibbs, his gut is always right :)

*photo courtesy of google

~ Isn't he one Silver Fox ? :) ~

Do you guys trust your gut instincts or do you over think and analyze everything?  What works for you in the long run?