When I grow up I want to be….

There is something to be said for that innocent statement, “When I grow up I want to be…..”  No fears, no insecurities, just a feeling or a dream.   I either wanted to be a dancer, detective or a fashion designer.

I can honestly say my dreams and wants have not changed from what I always wanted to be.  Now realistically I knew I wouldn't be a Prima Ballerina, even when I was little I knew this.  I danced from the time I was 2 until I was 17, then I moved to America and gave it up.  Although I never took dance classes again I never gave up my love for watching the ballet or being inspired by dance.  It was a great gift my Mum gave me to experience and understands the beauty of dance.

Now the part of me that wanted to be a detective, that is still alive and well.  It all started when I was around 7 or 8 and I would watch Murder She Wrote and Colombo with my Dad.  Maybe not the best TV choices for a 7 yr old but I loved putting together the clues and the puzzles.  I then fell in love with Poirot and Ms. Maples, anything about a good mystery and I was glued to the TV.  Today, I would say 75% of the shows I watch are in the Mystery Genre.  From my current favorite NCIS to SVU to White Collar, I love almost all of them.  Now I’m older I'm intrigued by the psychology of why the things happen and of course love figuring out who did it.  In real life I have a weird ability to use people’s actions, words and emotions to figure out situations.  It has a helped me a number of times during our unconventional Charades games (ill explain how in a later post).  Unfortunately or fortunately it has also helped me figure situations where people were being deceitful or hiding something, I don’t like those situations and thankfully don’t happen to often but I appreciate being able to put two and two together and see the truth sooner than later. Good or bad I have an analytical mind and could definitely be a detective or criminal profiler for a living.

Now on to the final “what I wanted to be when I grew up” job, and real reason for this post, a Fashion designer! I would day dream of making and wearing gorgeous clothes for the glamorous, sketch outfits in math class all day long, its no wonder I can’t do basic algebra J.  While in High School in England, my fab. friend Joanna and I would talk about when we were rich and famous designers what would we do, the people we would meet, and the places we would travel.  When I moved to America I took fashion merchandising in high school and then went on to Radford to pursue my degree.  Well in the end college wasn’t for me and I let my desire to be creative and some how involved in the fashion world drop to the background.  This was a huge mistake, probably the biggest I’ve made on a personal level.  I have always been interested in creativity, it’s in my blood, pushing my creativity away meant loosing who I am as a person.  I need to express who I am through design, art or even marketing.  I even let myself change the way I dress, my make up because I just didn’t feel like I was that person anymore.

I want to find the fashionable Roxy again, the one that took risks with clothes and make up and although I doubt I will be the amazing fashion designer I knew I would be at 16, but I CAN make my mark locally with Stella Jewelry and maybe even the country if I work hard enough to make my dream happen, who knows maybe the world J  I'm still a dreamer as you can see.  I want to take away the worries I have about building a business in something I love and regain the confidence I had that I can actually do this and WILL be successful.

This post was kind of all over the place but I just wanted to write how I feel about finding myself right now.

What did you want to be?  Did you become that?